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Red Dead Redemption to possibly not suck as much as first game

Vance — Sun, 09 May 2010 04:22:27 +0000

I know I’m bitter and alone in considering Red Dead Revolver to be a cumbersome, bulky, unplayable shooter, and I’m fine with that. I don’t have to experience you guys do nailing total cows at last call. But I’m always game to give a Western-themed game a second shot. So when Rockstar sent the new exclusive trailer to anybody who would watch it and the rest of us, I was kind of interested.

ANALYSIS!

Around 0:12, some Mexicans mock a white guy and sarcastically ask if he knows Spanish. This could place the game’s location virtually anywhere in a pre-development Los Angeles. Also note the time-honored tradition of people thinking you’re stupid because you don’t know their language while they’re acting like a goddamn redneck.

0:18 – Michael Ironside continues his campaign of being in every single video game ever by lending his voice to another grumpy old coot. This is significant because it might mark the first time any Western doesn’t involve Lance Henrickson.

Blah blah blah, minigun in a carriage, whatever… the Mexican “knows this land!” and somehow resists tagging the nearest statue of a war hero he can find… what the FUCK does “I’m living in history” mean?

Trains, Spanish villas, cannons, people in army uniforms… zzz… guess it’s all about how the action turns out, as usual. I’ll award BIG points if the main protagonist isn’t another reluctant outlaw, because Rockstar’s Grand Theft Auto series has milked that one same storyline for nine years straight now, and Episodes From Liberty City showed they’re now doing it with the same goddamn map.

I’ll remain cautiously optimistic.

The ultimate mantrain

Vance — Thu, 04 Feb 2010 21:50:01 +0000

Dear Wii owners,

Playscope has known what you might have suspected for a while now. The time for fighting your most basic of needs is over.

Let the healing begin:

Trailer Park: Shenmue Yakuza 3

Vance — Sat, 29 Nov 2008 01:23:02 +0000

All I’m asking is that you let us play the games in the arcade now, Sega. That is not too much to ask. Shenmue failed on account of being dog’s ass-boring, having two thousand and eight uneventful sock drawers to look though, and forcing you to spend an entire game trying to get a boat ticket with occasional breaks to pet a kitten and race unresponsive forklifts for crappy toy prizes. Space Harrier is still awesome and you should give up the goods. My overblown, American sense of self-indulgence isn’t going to feed itself. Well… it will, but… you know what I mean.