(Editor's note: Vance's writing style is even worse than usual tonight. Originally the review barely even had any review, instead being some kind of rambling, sobbing tirade about how Freejack was robbed at the Oscars. It may be edited further soon.) Ah, Pangya. The heady days of creeping out strangers online ...

Let's just get this bullshit over with, daddy's got a migraine the size of a great dane. Sacred 2 What the FUCK? Did somebody's college project to put Diablo in 3D, except shitty, get a next gen facelift? Kill five bandits, take this to that dude down the road, slowly insert sword ...

This is going to be kind of awkward, but the federal marshals have suggested we update more often. Mostly this legal imperative is an attempt to keep us out of trouble, as Mike's back in jail and I've been officially ordered never to pin the dog to the floor on ...

It doesn't take long for Street Fighter IV to feel incomplete. Don't get me wrong, the core game is all there, just slowed down a bit to allow for the minimum of five new iterations that you're going to have to buy if you want turbo or extra special powers or ...

We got more of the recently out-of-print God Hand at the store. NOW I'm excited. Playing God Hand is like strapping your face to a bottle rocket and then aiming it at your neighbor's cat, with the same net result. This game is simply one of the greatest things ever pressed ...

Not that it matters, but all of what follows is true. Right, confession. I'm not a fighting game fan. Roughly 5% of you just shrieked like a cheerleader seeing her first dick and the rest of you said "Gee, welcome to the family." All of you will wonder what the fuck ...

Our attorney, "Fat Tony" Gambetti, has informed us that we may be putting off a lot more readers than we're attracting with our antics, the unmitigated everything bashing, and a few pending posts that involve simple multiplication. He suggested we try something a little more akin to "what those nice ...

Congratulations, Sony, you have officially failed with flying fucking colors. I finally get my credit card information recognized (and I fully confess that it's my fault) and wait around for the Metal Gear Solid add-on for LittleBigPlanet. And wait. And wait. You've hidden any information pretty damn well, which might be ...

Apparently all you need to do to attract me to the previously hated activity of achievement whoring is add an arbitrary experience system to it. I don't play RPGs any more based on the fact that there's actually other things I do with my life these days and just don't ...

I was going to boot up Home for a second time tonight to make sure I actually had a fair idea of what I was reviewing, but I can't bring myself to unplug the DSL from the laptop and move it ten feet to the PS3 just to do so. ...