Reflex Gamer: The Magazine: The Blog II » Buzzword Watch

Somebody seriously wrote this

Vance — Mon, 22 Feb 2010 16:23:27 +0000

“With Risen, Piranha Bytes introduces a fresh, new setting. The game’s protagonist is shipwrecked after a storm and finds himself on a mysterious island. An active volcano dominates the scene. Ancient temple ruins have recently risen from the ground, and bizarre creatures infest the island.”

So it’s either Crysis or Serious Sam + Myst.

Muramasa: I’ll trade your amnesia for my deja vu

Vance — Thu, 20 Aug 2009 22:55:11 +0000

“Muramasa follows the story of Kisuke, a fugitive who has lost his memory, including that of a crime that he committed and Momohime, a lithe female ronin possessed by a dark spirit…” This is where I stopped reading. Garnering favorable comparisons to the pretty damn cool Odin Sphere, it sounds like they’re trying to tell you to skip the cutscenes and just play the awesome game.

It also seems to be a recreation of the famed battle between Cliffy B. and Jason “Jace” Hall.

But seriously, Marvelous. Amnesia? Possessed by a dark spirit? I have an idea, how about hyper-speed punching, mid-air battles and melodrama? Better yet, base a game on my sense of deja vu that recurs every damn time I read an adventure game plot. Waggling the controller would clear the stale fart smell my synaesthesia relates to plotline amnesia.

In other words, the Wii is still awesome: “The game has two different control methods, one that involves the Wii Remote and another that uses the Classic Controller, for players who prefer more precision“

Gaming: The bane of Gaming?

Vance — Mon, 10 Aug 2009 16:58:20 +0000

I approve of Gamers With Jobs on the foundation of the name meaning people who don’t get rich off of having two pounds of Aaron Greenberg’s semen pumped out of their stomach after every press conference, but sometimes I actually look at their website. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate that a website can subsist on editorial content that doesn’t include turning your postwhore readers into a valid news source, but the articles can get a bit confusing.

Take the recent article by co-founder and candy-assed nickname fellow, Sean “Elysium” Sands. At first denouncing graphics in games, then celebrating them as the core component, then wishing they’d be more art faggy before whipping himself into a lather with chess references and stating that graphics “are the sensual gateway for a player.”

1.	pertaining to, inclined to, or preoccupied with the gratification of the senses or appetites; carnal; fleshly.

2.	lacking in moral restraints; lewd or unchaste.

3.	arousing or exciting the senses or appetites.

4.	worldly; materialistic; irreligious.

5.	of or pertaining to the senses or physical sensation; sensory.

6.	pertaining to the philosophical doctrine of sensationalism.

It’s good to be smarter than everybody else. That way you can stand on the plateau, enormous unit tied to your leg to prevent yet more horrible accidents, and look down at those who didn’t go with the word “sensory”. And mind you, I actually LIKE GWJ and “Valhalla” Sands.

As usual, it’s the comment section posters we can all band together and hate, for as usual they whipped themselves into some bizarre fugue state where they said stupid shit like this:

“However many polygons and textures went into their respective engines,Majora’s Mask has better graphics than Gears of War, and Windwaker (sic) remains one of the most beautiful games I’ve seen.”

While I’m going to agree that Majora’s Mask and even the stinky Wind Waker were better than Gears of Stupid One-Liners, I’d appreciate it if their colorful graphics were overhauled for the next generation. Then we can talk.

And “Nirvana” Sands? Call me. We can still work this out.

Marketing drones aren’t perfect, you know.

Vance — Sun, 30 Nov 2008 21:27:39 +0000

With a heaping helping of Buzzword Watch thrown in:

“This ain’t your Grandpa’s favorite board game! “Chess Crusade” brings and [sic] edgy and exhilarating twist to the most popular and timeless strategy game ever created. Two cartoon-style medieval armies take to the checkered battlefield in a classic game of chess. As the pieces move around the board, they meet with intense animated combat moves in an effort to conquer or be conquered. The entertaining and colorful artistic style makes “Chess Crusade” a game that everyone – from the novice to the master – can enjoy.“

Holy crap! “Intense animated combat moves? IN CHESS!? I have never heard of this before. And certainly not in a form that was ported to roughly 18 different platforms.

I mean, if you really want to take Battle Chess and attempt to pawn it off as something new, you should at least have some kind of gimmick. (Warning: Do not click that last link, ever.)