I suck. I’ve moved twice in the last month, the last time involving pitchforks and fire, and my nigga 4 life Mike has been back in his home of Chicago, apparently too blissful or too good to reply to any messages or subpoenas sent his way. The store website is way behind, but this is to be expected; The only person entering information was some nameless Korean child we purchased on the black market, and somebody deciphered his secret messages and rescued him long ago, taking 80% of our sexy, underaged work force.

I just started updating the website myself. Here are some highlights.

Alan Wake, or judging from the cover, Dude, Where’s My Car 2: Oh look at us, our main character is named A. Wake! We are fucking storytelling GENIUSES! To fight the darkness, you need to use… LIGHT! You never guessed that because you’re not a fucking genius like us ohhhh that shit just took a downturn.

What Did I Do to Deserve This, My Lord!?: Wins for having that title on a sequel, some monster-looking guy crying on the cover like our previous employee, and actually being hard media instead of some ethereal rights-neutral download-only sack of shit. Thanks, Atlus!

Jane’s Hotel: Probably not the best place to get laid, is all I can say.