Reflex Gamer is now a bit of a misleading title. Like anybody else, we listen to music, watch movies, and drunkenly harangue police officers after they charge hobos with “trespassing” instead of “attempting to mug store owners, assault and battery, and being obvious crackheads”. This website will now randomly contain bits of life in addition to these games. For people who can tolerate that, welcome. For people who can’t, I say both “good to know you” and “what the fuck?”.

In keeping with this new spirit, I recommend you complete those missing parts of your soul and listen to both Sarah Blasko’s No Turning Back and The Mountain Goats’ Autoclave. (bold face is a clickable link. I don’t want you to miss these, seriously.)  These are two songs you should hear BEFORE you decide what kind of music you really like.

Also, our physical store has been hit with a “notice to vacate” form from a bleary-eyed, alcoholic sheriff’s deputy with the last name of  ”Pedro”. After a conversation with our good friend Chuck, we looked up “notice to vacate” and found this on supersite Wikipedia:

“The tenant may have a short amount of time (perhaps from 3 to 10 days) in which to correct the error. The most common causes for eviction include nonpayment of rent or a breach of the lease (such as keeping a pet when pets are not allowed). In some cases, again depending on the laws of the particular jurisdiction, a landlord may post an unconditional quit notice, meaning the tenant can do nothing to correct the error.”

In other words, hire a good settlement attorney to fuck em because they didn’t contact us directly! An attempt to pull our pants down revealed too-gigantic genetalia, and we will now get a lower rate because:

1) Don’t lie and say you own a construction firm when you employ a bunch of illegal immigrants who will steal my stained glass windows. I have nothing against illegal immigrants, in fact sometimes we help them across the border for profit, but that’s legally “misrepresentation”, a lease-breaker.

2) They destroyed all the power outlets in the west wall and the northern supports for the roofing tiles, for fuck’s sake.

3) Negligent misrepresentation is still legally binding, a la claiming there’s been no flooding when the hot water heater burst and created, over years, mildew in the back carpet.

4) For Christ’s sake, if you have two elevators don’t let one lay broken for a year straight. And don’t patch quick fixes on the other one, I’ve had enough time to gather one minute of uninterrupted footage of me stuck in your elevator, like some kind of even gayer R. Kelly epic.

5) Yeah, the faulty AC and heater are pretty goddamn epic.

6) Did I mention security patrols this place from only 5pm to 6am? I mean great, my store is protected from nightowls, but a landlord too cheap to bring the maintenance man in until 8am is a landlord too stupid to not pay for the broken window that occurred between 6am and 8am by a hobo with a grudge who was at least smart enough to analyze the security patrols here.

7) Holy shit, who decided that owning property was a good way to make money? Who decided that GOOD property was to be taxed more? This system is hell of bent in a major way. Let’s just encourage people to rape nuns with tax breaks, next.