Just in time for Nissei Week, somebody has celebrated the excess wealth that America uses wisely and purchased a rare Nintendo cartridge, formerly used for some bullshit contest that loosely imitated the Fred Savage/Whatsername flick, The Wizard. Going at a whopping $17,500, it just proves that rare cartridges are the new level 60 Dark Elf Mage. Mike and I have leapt firmly on the bandwagon by offering these rarities:

Dragon Warrior – New in box! – Market rate… see below

History can be yours, my friend! Like that other dork selling brand new, possibly rewrapped complete-in-box games, we’ll be happy to gouge the shit out of you for this extremely common game! Purposefully rewrapped after our employees kept fumbling the box open with their fat, chip-greased fingers to see the map and cartridge in the original loose wrap! Now, how much is this baby worth? One hundred? TWO!? Maybe a few thousand, because no fee is too high for the attorneys who aquit Mike of whatever foam-laden assault he’s committed on a game developer. MOVE NOW BEFORE HE STRIKES AGAIN!

Mostly-full bottle of “Pink Marshmallow” flavor scent bottle – $300

A real piece of Reflex Gamer history! Given to us by the crazy white woman who runs a store made up of random goddamn Japanese words because “something’s missing”, this bottle was once thrown at Vance’s head by Mike, who was exasperated by the fact that Vance had gone on for about two hours making comparisons between Shenmue and a dog that was about to be destroyed by the county. Still contains a piece of scalf and authentic part-Caucasian hair.

Collection of nice things industry figures have said about the 360 – KOTAKU ONLY – $500

You’re just one post short of that sweet spot 60 posts in the last 24 hours, but you’re out of nice things to say about Halo soundtracks (”gamers are in for a real treat!”) and it’s a slow news day. You have minutes to go… maybe something about how Epic is full of sex gods and coding genius… no, did that three hours ago… Well we have your answer! Representing literally hundreds of man hours in scouring the internet for developers hinting that they’d like more investing from Microsoft, we have everything from Cliffy B’s factless enthusing over the 360 controller to the PERFECT passive-aggressive retort when Cheap Ass Gamer fakes your rumor mongering asses out again.

Laptop hard drive with a lot of PS3 save games – $5,000

Can’t be bothered to go over the back catalog now that you’ve discovered how much porn 160 gigs will store? Look no further, we put our employee Dillon to work cataloging and saving games with complete cutscene unlocks and special items. Highlights include MGS4 saves with nearly all weapons and only a smidge of work necessary to afford the bandana! Valkyria Chronicles saves of each chapter up until 14 so you can play each individual mission with expert load-outs! Oblivion GOTY save seems to feature a semi-naked, red-haired female Nord named “Juicy Peach Pal”. We have to talk to Dillon about this one.

Mike – $200,000 OBO

Available in either the “an evening with” or forced labor styles, Mike is simply a bargain. As a healthy if oft-inebriated white male in excellent physical condition, his valuation on the black market is considered prime, with a notation that his stock was raised significantly due to decline during World War II. Intelligent conversation or a minimum of complaints about shackles guaranteed.