Wondering if you should pick up the freshly-minted Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles game on XBLA? In the spirit of the amount of energy used to bring you this game, we’re copying stuff said in IRC to bring you the most comprehensive review a gestalt entity can.

“IGN gave the game 5.9, stating that Ubisoft hasn’t done enough to the original game to justify its price point, comparing its value against ‘Splosion Man. It also criticises how there is no option to play the game in its original form. Many gamers were upset about the lack of effort that went into the game.” “Yeah, total arcade. Cement Man, Shredder warping you in the sewers, no Super Shredder. I’ll skip.”

“Ok, the port kinda sucks. The Konami music? NOT THERE. Technodrome level? GONE. It just sent me from the sewers to Prehistoric Turtlesaurus with no rat king fight.”

“Turtles in Time: We Cheaped Out on Character Licensing Edition. Slash was replaced by some fucker named Cement Man I never heard of, AKA a giant turd made of mud, and Bebop and Rocksteady replaced with Tokka and Rahzar.” “He’s from Megaman. They actually went overboard with licensing. The final boss is Mickey Mouse, now owned by Square-Enix.” “The level Tokka and Rahzar appear in wasn’t even in the arcade, Bebop and Rocksteady weren’t ‘replaced’.” “Yeah, I’m pretty sure Bebop and Rocksteady are in the train level.”