I approve of Gamers With Jobs on the foundation of the name meaning people who don’t get rich off of having two pounds of Aaron Greenberg’s semen pumped out of their stomach after every press conference, but sometimes I actually look at their website. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate that a website can subsist on editorial content that doesn’t include turning your postwhore readers into a valid news source, but the articles can get a bit confusing.

Take the recent article by co-founder and candy-assed nickname fellow, Sean “Elysium” Sands. At first denouncing graphics in games, then celebrating them as the core component, then wishing they’d be more art faggy before whipping himself into a lather with chess references and stating that graphics “are the sensual gateway for a player.”

It’s good to be smarter than everybody else. That way you can stand on the plateau, enormous unit tied to your leg to prevent yet more horrible accidents, and look down at those who didn’t go with the word “sensory”. And mind you, I actually LIKE GWJ and “Valhalla” Sands.

As usual, it’s the comment section posters we can all band together and hate, for as usual they whipped themselves into some bizarre fugue state where they said stupid shit like this:

“However many polygons and textures went into their respective engines,Majora’s Mask has better graphics than Gears of War, and Windwaker (sic) remains one of the most beautiful games I’ve seen.”

While I’m going to agree that Majora’s Mask and even the stinky Wind Waker were better than Gears of Stupid One-Liners, I’d appreciate it if their colorful graphics were overhauled for the next generation. Then we can talk.

And “Nirvana” Sands? Call me. We can still work this out.