You probably already know that Ziff-Davis sold off 1up.com to the smaller, somehow shittier IGN that is UGO. You probably know they couldn’t find any takers for gay lifestyle magazine EGM and have decided to close it down. What you haven’t heard is how ecstatic I am about it. For the most part I don’t give a damn, but in firing over 30 1up employees, they’ve tagged and released James Mielke back into the wild. Don’t take that the wrong way; Mielke is the only writer on that fucking website with any talent, and I’m sure he’ll be able to land a job at a publication I’m actually willing to read.

As usual, the primary source of our gleeful laughter comes from one source: The mouths of stupid people.

“this is extremely heartbreaking.”

Dramatic much, you tiny girl?

“Come on, these are the things that gamers look forward to.”

I look forward to three things; Food, sex, and our weekly shipment of 12-year-old Russian boys. I’m not saying my way is the only way, but it’s a shit of a lot better than what you’ve got going on, obviously.

“This ruined my day.“

You’re going to jump off a cliff when you hear this, then: The New Kids on the Block broke up.

“my heart shattered when I read the news”

Leave it to somebody with the user name conniedarko to make Richard Simmons look all kinds of Rambo manly.

Here’s the dumbest crap, though;

“In a period of time where a lot of businesses are getting smaller – contracting, if you will — we’re growing,” -CEO of UGO.com, after having laid off over 30 people.