Logging onto my PSN account tonight to see how many dicks my two online friends had added to our Little Big Planet level, I noticed that Sony was giving away Qore issue number seven for free. And it’s about time, I say. Sony, you need to just make the whole thing free, and I’m going to drag myself away from race-baiting my employee Byron to tell you why.

First, you’re charging in all the wrong places. I fully intend to pay you for Jumping Flash (six dollars, hell yeah!) as soon as you recognize the validity of my bank card, and I have my eyes on Q*Bert in HD as well. But you’re charging thirty dollars for Warhawk. Think, Sony. Joe the Plumber can -between bouts of acting like a dipshit on television and torturing Jews in his basement- pay you thirty bucks directly for a digital copy that lasts as long as his hard drive and your willingness to offer the game for download… always a gamble, that last part. Or he can drive to my store, kill maybe two people by plowing through them in a haze of gasoline and a cheap mixture of vodka and absinthe, and pay me the same amount of money for a physical copy with all the fixings that he can TRADE IN at the same establishment when he realizes the game is NOT QUITE AS GOOD AS CANCER.

You know, that last part was unfair. I haven’t played Warhawk. Mainly because it’s online only, and having to play with strangers eliminates the reasons why I play games.

Anyway, Mike has some highly valid opinions about another facet of your online service, but I’ll let him get into that when he updates, which is currently scheduled for the next leap year or the Rapture, whichever comes last.

Next up is what you’re giving us for that dollar. A monthly mag? Online? You’re using the medium hand-tailored for timely content updates, squandering that, and expecting me to pay three bucks a month to burn my retinas by staring at my monitor even more than I do now when a paper and ink rag would be more appropriate. Hell, I’d venture to say I’d subscribe if you made one. But you’re not, so I won’t. And I won’t be strong-armed by your Live Gold-esqe handling of exclusive demos for games that I’m not even interested in. You had a much better way of marketing those in a form I gladly paid for. Know what it was? Sure you do, Qore is your way of watering it down:

I know you look back on the glory days of the Jampack and you feel slighted, but just get over it. Fix that other half, the one that smells of cow fields and Bernie Stolar and looks like the lake of fire from Dante’s Inferno.