I will buy this game if you do not change the damn name:

(Make clicky for larger images)

On the upside, it’s giving “grrl” gamers with hideous online handles something to bitch about now that the old semen has crusted over on the Jade Raymond “scandal”. Both sources cited by Yahoo immediately resorted to the first argument standard of the truly humorless: Sarcasm. And thanks be to Zara pointing out that I forgot to qualify this; sarcasm is fantastic, but if you launch into an argument using it before even attempting to be reasonable, you’re pretty much done. Quoting the article directly:

“Instead of running out into the forest to find cake to fatten up the princess with, why not go out and find gold (which is a lot heavier than cake) to stuff into a treasure chest. The more gold in the chest, the heavier it would be, and the harder it would be to carry,” she said, before adding, “Oh, but that’s not as “cute” as cake and fat chicks. Right.”

Let’s turn it into one of those Chuck E. Cheese parlor games for 5-year-olds. Right. And the other:

Over at Shakesville, however, writer Melissa McEwan cuts to the chase, telling Sony she’s “positively thrilled to see such unyielding dedication to creating a new generation of fat-hating, heteronormative —holes.”

On a side note, we definitely have our work cut out for us if Yahoo can’t even reprint the word ass. Or maybe Shakesville censors itself, we can’t tell because Yahoo doesn’t provide links and I don’t care enough to Google it. Either way, we’d just like to help whoever needs the desensitization along with today’s randomly chosen curse word, a Richard Pryor classic: Motherfucker.

Anyway, other high points include the us-pleasing combination of off-kilter humor, the dichotomy of cutesy characters and massive amounts of cartoon bloodshed, and -judging from the final screenshot up there- Force powers. Frankly it looks like a worthwhile stab at a 3D Worms game, a step THQ hasn’t been ballsy enough to take. Motherfuckers.

There is one dark cloud on the horizon, though. IGN thinks it’s fun, and IGN wouldn’t know fun if it bent them over and hyper-speed spanked them. But the positive comments come from Greg Miller, who seems like he might not be as pants-shittingly crazy as the rest of the staff there.

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Auditions for the FMV sequences are being held at fetish strip clubs all over the Bible Belt.