While YOU were getting another pair of socks and a used copy of Madden ‘05 for Christmas, we were celebrating like the druids and setting fire to just about every Denny’s dumb enough to testify about their crimes against food in the Yellow Pages. We were going to celebrate in Europe, where extradition laws are still somewhat fuzzy, but due to Mike’s recent legal troubles he’s temporarily on the government’s no-fly list.

Anyway, our Christmas was rather low-key, me being a lapsed Catholic and Mike being a lapsed Jew. I gave him a five dollar gift certificate to the Japanese market below our shop and he gave me a bottled water. The real surprise is the gift of giving that Google gave to both of us.

Searching for “PSPorn“? We show up on that! But it would seem we not only appeal to the curious-yet-innocently unaware Dead or Alive fans, but also the cheapskates who complain that $30 is too much for a 360 game because we’re also popular with “free psporn” and “free downloadable psporn”. We understand. Those deliciously illicit DVDs are still pretty expensive and not everybody has a well-practiced “porn store walk”, which involves whistling and looking like you’re going nowhere in particular before SHOOP magic 90 degree turn right into the porn store.

“PSPorn” is certainly the most popular search, with results in the US, Mexico, UK, Belgium, Austria, and especially France, a land with a notorious fetish for women smaller than themselves. But it’s certainly not the strangest.

A lone search for “crucified whore” convinced us that South Korea is pretty stern about everything, including their wank material.

“Chrono Trigger porn”? Well sir, it’s your lucky day!

I censored anything you might find objectionable.

While we understand why people interested in “mormons” might be interested in our material (and a special hello to the person who made the jump to this site from Mormons Exposed!), there are some searches that just puzzle us. “do i look like a slut download”? Mike and I both dress rather conservatively and our epic freestyle rap battles are largely unrecorded, so this one confuses us.

“gameporn s”. See “PSPorn”. Even in the assy-smelling sewer that is the internet, we seem to be something of a bilge drain.

“playstation home blowjob”! We have no idea why somebody was searching for this and we don’t want to! No outside time for you, Sloth! Get back in the box!

Australia’s national pasttime of “sticking our nuts in the party dip” resulted in a slight bump of traffic for us, making us nostalgiac for the hard-drinking, hard-wife-beating, hard-game-banning days of the land Down Under.

The fact is, the ONLY game-related, non-porn search we’ve been listed on to date concerns the game BioShock. That’s it. BioShock. Apparently nobody looking for Metal Gear Solid info will ever read our reviews, or Mike’s deconstruction of the fanboy Da Vinci Code. No, you’re here for the pirated Japanese titty movies.

I think that means we’ve won. While you’re at it, if you could do a search for “horny asian teens” and “german hardcore” and click on our site, we’d be most appreciative. Unfortunately, a quick search for “Hot Irish on Jew action” shows that we probably face stiff competition there.